It’s New Years Day. When I actually publish this it’s probably going to be the second even though it’s earlier here in Arizona but my computer is still registering eastern time. That and the fact that we’ve spent the last few days being surrounded by family and I haven’t had much time to myself, so I am here sitting alone on the couch while the clock closes in on midnight while the kids are finally sleeping trying to fulfill one of my New Year’s Resolutions.
New Years has always been kind of a weird holiday for me. While everyone else is celebrating the beginning of a new year I’m struggling with the idea of leaving one behind. I’m not a big fan of change. Truth be told I can’t even drive a different route to and from some places because I just get into my routine and I do my thing. Mike thinks I’m a little crazy for that, but I just think it means he has to love me more for all the times I’ve had to change for him; jobs, schools, homes, cities, states. 🙂 Much like everyone else I go back and reflect on my year and try to highlight all the times God has blessed me. I realize that I fail to recognize them all, but I try. I also look back and regret things that I didn’t do or time that wasn’t well spent, regardless of how many times I tell myself to let it go.
As a parent, I’m finding it harder and harder to accept the idea that I cannot stop time. Last night when many were out dancing or drinking my husband and I were sharing videos of our kids when they were one and a half to two years old with my family. We laughed and thoroughly enjoyed reliving our favorite moments that were able to be captured of the adorable things they would do and say. At one point I was brought to tears realizing that I wouldn’t get to hear Matthew sing, “Happy der-day today” like he did on his second birthday or see Lindsay try to jump up and reach her favorite cereal “Yucky Charms.”
Today I used biblegateway.com to do a topical search of the bible using the word “time.” Two themes seemed to present themselves after reading through various verses in both the old and new testaments. One theme that we’ve all heard many times is that our time on Earth is fleeting.
4 “Show me, Lord, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
even those who seem secure.
Since our time is so short we need to turn to God.
11 And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 12 The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
The second theme is that God is with us not just wherever we are but whenever we need Him.
8 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8
I cannot change or relive yesterday. Worrying over what was or wasn’t done, what I said or didn’t say, is futile. All I can offer God is what I have right now and to look to Him for guidance on how I use the time He’s given me. I admit, I don’t always do this. I’m afraid I haven’t done it well in the last month while visiting family. I can’t go back in time to hold a two year-old Matthew or a one-year old Lindsay. I have them now though, and I can still cuddle a five-year old boy and a three-year old girl and cherish new moments daily. I am human. My time on Earth is short, but I don’t want it to be short-lived. I want to leave yesterday to God and trust Him with tomorrow so that I can fully live today without worrying about my future or regretting my past.
16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
2 Thessalonians 3:16
The hour glass is gradually emptying,
Only You know the number of grains of sand.
I could cry as I attempted to count each one,
But they would still continue to land.
The sun will rise and set again
I cannot count my days.
I would rather bask in the warmth of the sun
Than try to catch its rays.
Take my here and now God,
I’ll give You my today,
For You already hold my tomorrow
And I’ve already lost yesterday.
I cannot cling to a moment
Without letting two more slip by
I need to devote each second to You, Lord
To truly make them mine.